never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
