I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
