everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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