i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
