I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you win again, gameday.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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