ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
