Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
