Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
