well I can't set my house on fire every night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
