I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
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I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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