mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
