mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
