Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
