just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
