rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
