Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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