I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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