Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
