Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
