i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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