Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
