woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
