Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
