I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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