I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
