how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
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I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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