we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
