mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
