Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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