he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
