Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
