Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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