my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My dick has a subreddit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
