We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
