You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
