I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
