I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
