Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
