You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize