glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
