ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know her cup size but not her name....
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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