I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
