probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize