Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just tell him i said nine months
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
