So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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