stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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