If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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