note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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