So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
