I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
