Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
