I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
