Plan B is the new Plan A
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
