im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Boobs speak an international language.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
