dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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