shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
