the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
