How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
