Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
