If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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