he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
