I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
