I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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