Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
