so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
