wat bout pragnant strippers??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
