k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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