You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this hospital has no fireball
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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