Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
