oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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