Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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