Nicole vs. Life
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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