I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
