Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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