I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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