sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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