I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
