Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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