I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
