I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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